Letters from My Soulmate
by Mara Alexia
Summary: A different Luke, Mara, Callista story... I hope!
1. Default Chapter

LETTERS FROM MY SOULMATE

Luke entered his apartment and gazed lovingly at his wife, resting on the couch. He has never been happier. She was beautiful, her red-gold hair shining in the afternoon's sun, her hand wrapped protectively around her belly, where a new life grew. Their son. HIS son, his chance for true happiness.

She felt his gaze and turned her head to look at him.

"Hi. You're late. What kept you so long?"

"I had a meeting with Callista. I'm sorry you waited for me. You should rest more."

Mara frowned, a little irritated. She wasn't entirely at peace with the ideea of Callista coming back into Luke's life, into THEIR life. The body-snatcher just appeared at the door a few months ago, told them that she did not want to interfere, but that she was finally at peace and willing to help the Jedi Order with her knowledge. That meant long meetings with Luke and the other Jedi, and Mara was not willing to attend all of them. Of course she had faith in her husband, but she never liked Callista and she surely won't begin to like her now.

Luke sat down next to her and kissed her forehead.

"I love you and I missed you."

She just smiled and said nothing. Now was Luke's turn to feel irritated. Mara felt it instantly.

"Are you mad at me?"

"You never say to me back "I love you". Maybe sometimes I need to hear those words from you."

"You know I love you. And I even admit that. Once in a while. For Force's sake, Skywalker, I am pregnant with your child. Me, the former Emperor's Hand and assassin, I'm pregnant. What other proof of my love do you need?"

"Sometimes I just need to hear nice words from you, that's all, he murmured, with a sad look in his eyes. Is that so hard for you?"

"You know I'm not good with words, and you'll have to live with that. Take it or leave it."

She rose from the couch and headed for the bedroom.

"I'm tired. I'm going to take a little nap."

And the door closed behind her with a thump.

"I'll take it," Luke whispered, but the sad look in his eyes was still there…

A few days later…

It was late at night when Luke returned home. He was feeling guilty because he promised Mara that he won't be late, and he did it again. He tried not to make any noise because he hoped that she would be asleep and that he could avoid another useless fight with her. They fought a lot lately and he didn't like it at all. Maybe she was just grumpy because of her pregnancy, but he was starting to be fed up with her moods. As he closed the door silently, he felt something under his foot. He bent down and saw a blue elegant envelope. He picked it up and opened it. It was a letter.

Luke went into the kitchen, turning the lights on and started to read. By the time he finished it, he was shaking all over, unable to control himself.

"_I'm not afraid of your smile. That means I'm not afraid of anything. And that's why I'm writing you this letter._

_Did you ever hear the rain? Did you see how it kisses the ground, and the ground responds by sipping it's tiny drops? Did you ever want to cry, but scared, you retreat your tears inside you?_

_I send you my tears because my soul it's drowning in them. I send you my soul to live through you. Be my ground and let me be your rain._

_Think of me like you are thinking of a star fallen from you and taken into the darkness far, far away…_

_M."_

His first impulse was a feel of joy. Mara wrote him a love letter! He wanted to go to her, wake her, kiss her all over, and apologize to her. Then he thought that it couldn't be her, it was not her handwriting.

Who was M? He tried to remember every girl and woman he knew, but he came up with nothing.

Mara entered the kitchen, her face pale and tired. She gave him a soft smile.

"You're finally home. Come to bed, it's late and you must be tired."

'Mara, it's you!" he run to her with the letter in his hand.

Mara smiled again. She took the letter and red it quickly.

"Yes, it's me."

"You!"

Her face was serious now. She felt the disappointment in his voice.

"I'm joking, Luke. I didn't write this letter! I don't do such things! If I have to write something to someone I use the bloody computer! I woudn't ever do such childish thing. See, it's not even my handwriting. You should know that."

Luke was lost.

"I thought it was you, he said quietly. It's a beautiful love letter, and I know only you love me so much to write something like that to me."

"Well, she said with sarcasm, it seems that there is someone else. It looks like you have a secret admirer, Master Skywalker!"

Luke said nothing. He looked at the letter again. It was an elegant handwriting, unknown to him, but somehow strangely familiar. He crumpled the piece of paper into his fist and then threw it away into the garbage bin.

"It's not important at all, he finally said. It's just a letter. Let's forget about it and eat our dinner."

When Mara threw the remains of their dinner into the garbage bin, covering the crumpled piece of paper, he felt a little sad, but he said nothing.

Later that night, when she was asleep, he took the now filthy piece of paper, uncrumpled it and stored it save in his closet. No matter who wrote the misterious letter, he didn't want it to be thrown away like garbage.

The letter was not obsessing him, but every time he thought of it, sometimes even in Mara's presence, he tried to imagine the woman who wrote it. Looking for her was a long journey into his soul. He knew he was doing wrong. Mara was his beloved wife, the soulmate he searched for too long. It was unfair to think of a woman he didn't even know.

One week later he received another letter. Without reading it, he left home, seeking a private place in the jungles of Yavin. When he was sure that nobody was watching him, he opened the letter.

"_My mind never has a moment of peace. If I had a calm heart, I could never love a man like you. _

_I could kiss the ground in the winter and make a flower grow, that's how much I love you._

_I love you more now than when you began to read this letter._

_Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear._

_I kiss you in my dreams. I kiss you in my letters. But I know I'll never kiss you for real, because love is guarding your door._

_Marelai"_

M was a name now. Marelai. Marelai, a young girl sitting at her desk, writing love letters to him. Red eyes from too much crying. Who was Marelai? Where did she live? Was she near him, or on a planet far away? How did she look? Her name was blonde like the sands of Tatooine.

And suddenly, he thought about Mara. He wanted her with such a panic that he ran home as fast as he could.

She was waiting for him, distress visible on her face.

"Where have you been? You simply disapeared without a word!"

"I have a headache. I took a walk in the jungle. I needed some fresh air."

"You cannot find fresh air on this planet, Skywalker. Common, what's bothering you? Spill it out."

She was looking at him with sharp eyes, and he felt dominated, intimidated. He simply needed to tell her the truth.

"I received another letter…"

"Really? Something interesting?"

He gave her the letter, suddenly feeling sorry. Sorry for Mara and sorry for Marelai.

But Mara did not open it.

"Keep it. It's yours."

"Mara, I have nothing to hide. It's not my fault."

"I know and that's why I don't want to read it. I'm not mad at you."

Luke took her in his arms.

"I love you. Don't you feel it, Mara, how much I love you? How much I need you?"

"Then why are you trying to hide from me? Why are you running?"

"I don't know Mara, I can't explain it."

"I'm not hiding anything from you, Luke. I'm hiding only my love."

"Are you hiding it?" he smiled.

"Sometimes…"

"I don't believe you, Mara. You show me every day how much you love me"

"Luke, I love you with everything I am. No poems, no words, no letters, no gifts, nothing can ever express how much I love you. But you already know that, don't you?"

Luke said nothing, he just took her in her arms, holding her close, like he was afraid to lose her.

"Mara, how do you know when I keep something from you, without reading my mind?"

"I know because I live through you", she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

Luke kissed her tears away.

"Mara, my love, you make me want to be a better man."

TBC  



	2. Chapter 2

**Solarstorm: **_Thanks so much for you review. I'm glad you like my story so far. There will be some surprises along the way, but I hope you'll still like it. _

Chapter 2

From some time, the presence of the spring at the windows made the joy of life being something no longer only in his home. Every time he came home from the Academy, Luke filled the house with flowers, without feeling guilty. He loved Mara and he wasn't cheating on her. He wasn't looking at any woman with desire, he knew they did not have anything he couldn't find in Mara.

But Mara was losing somehow her oneness. She was no longer unique. Marelai was a name and an unseen song at the windows of the spring.

Mara. Marelai. Sound. Echo. The same sound, and yet, there was something different. He could see Mara, he could have her anytime he wanted to. But he was looking for Marelai without any hope and maybe without any desire to find her.

He received more letters, but he did not show them to Mara anymore. He was trying to convince himself that she won't notice anything. After all, she was six months pregnant, and he didn't want to disturb her anymore. Mara was more passive lately, not willing to talk to him, and he preferred to elude to discuss anything with her. Instead, he just loved her, spoiling her with flowers and gifts, trying to be gentle and caring.

Long silences were gathering between them, but Mara never asked for an explanation. She tried once or twice to convince him to go to Coruscant, to visit his sister, but he refused. He was feeling good here, on Yavin. He did not want to leave the planet with Mara, knowing that another letter could arrive in his absence.

"_A long time ago, I believed that Gods created you for me, but it seems that there is someone who gives you more love than I could ever give you, so the Gods had no reason when they created me. _

_I feel like something inside me is dying slowly. I lived in your shadows for years and I don't know anymore if I love you, if I ever loved you at all. What I know for sure is that I will never love again. _

_I'm leaving now. But if a star would fall every time I'll think of you and if you'll see some day that are no stars left in the sky, you'll know that's all my fault. _

_A good-bye is painful only if you know you'll never say hello again. _

_Maybe this is not our time, maybe we'll meet in another life, another love._

_So I say good-bye for now and forever._

_Marelai."_

Luke's eyes were filled with tears after he read this letter. The last one. He knew there will never be another. She was gone, forever.

He entered his apartment slowly, not really wanting to be there. Mara was in the living room, a cold look in her eyes, her face pale.

"Mara…"

"Callista and Kam were here, she interrupted him. They wanted you to go with them to see a child they think it's suitable for the Academy. They are waiting for you."

"Where?"

"Callista left you a note with the meeting place and the child's name. Here…" and she gave him a piece of paper. After that, she turned on her heels and entered the bedroom, slamming the door after her.

"What's the matter with her again?" Luke mumbled and looked at the paper. Suddenly, the blood drained from his face. He could not see the words, only the handwriting. Her handwriting. Marelai's handwriting. Callista's handwriting… Callista… Callista was Marelai?

"No, he thought. That's not possible. Callista doesn't love me anymore. I don't love her anymore."

Luke was more than confused. The letters did not sound like Callista, they were not her style at all. When he received the first letter, he briefly thought about her being the sender, but he rejected the idea. He KNEW it wasn't Callista. Something wasn't right, but he couldn't figure what.

And Mara… Mara knew as well. Probably she did recognize the handwriting, too.

He had to talk to her, without knowing what to tell her. Suddenly, he felt something terrible through the Force. He rushed to the bedroom and opened the door, only to see Mara lying unconscious on the floor.

Luke was leaning against the medcenter's door, his face as white as the wall behind him. He knew something was terrible wrong but he wasn't ready to admit it to himself. By the time he arrived with Mara at the medcenter, he already knew that it was too late for the baby. The only thing that remained to hope for was Mara's life, and he felt trough the Force that this was in vain, too. Cilghal, the Jedi healer, was the first to inform him that Mara's body was invaded by a strange infection, and that nobody could help with that. She had to reassure him twice that it was just a coincidence that she collapsed after hearing some distressful news, that it had nothing to do with it, it would have happened anyway, sooner or later.

Cilghal opened the door and hushed him inside.

"She is barely conscious. But you may stay with her, it will certainly help, as long as there is no medicine that can do anything for her. Try to talk to her, maybe she'll hear you."

Luke stopped near Mara's bed, but was unable to say anything. Just seeing her like that, helpless, and knowing that she'll be gone soon, blocked his mind, and he could not utter a single word.

"Please, let her be well" he pleaded silently, putting his hands on her temple. He tried to feel her through the Force, but her signature was weak and distant. He knew there was nothing to do.

"Mara, please, try to fight, don't let go", he begged her, and Mara shifted a little, opening her eyes. Hope flickered for a moment in his heart, but quickly died away. She tried to smile, and failed. But she certainly recognized him.

"Mara, I love you, please don't leave me alone!"

She was too weak to speak, but he heard her voice through the Force:

"Aren't you a little selfish, Master Skywalker?"

"Of course I am. I would do anything to keep you near me, my love"

"Even I know that's not possible anymore, Luke. I love you, I always have, that's what I wanted to tell you before I go."

"No, he pleaded, tears clouding his vision. You can't go, you can't leave me now. This can't be the end."

"What sometimes appears to be the end is really just a new beginning, Luke. We didn't predict this, but everything happens with a reason."

"There is no reason for this. This is not happening to us", he whispered, but she closed her eyes, without hearing him anymore.

He could not stay there any longer and watch her die, without being able to do anything to prevent her death. He opened the door, rushed past the Jedi already gathered there and went straight home, not wanting to see anyone, hoping that this was just a bad dream and that he will wake up soon, seeing Mara next to him.


	3. Chapter 3

T

He didn't leave his quarters for almost two month, rejecting friends and family who surrounded him, trying to be there for him. But seeing them only deepened his wounds, reminding him of something he would never have anymore. He was slowly dying inside, pain never leaving his heart. He just sat alone in the dark room, everything around reminding him of Mara. His soul was aching, his heart was bleeding, even breathing was a torture. 

His lightsaber was sitting on the floor beside him. He was so tempted to end his suffering, it would be so simple to join her in the Force and end everything here and now.

But he couldn't do it, at least not yet. He first had to travel away from his old life, to be alone and think some more.

He tried to sleep but every time he closed his eyes he saw her face. Her memory tortured him, he didn't wish to remember anymore. He wanted to forget that she ever existed. And if he could not forget her, at least he wanted to bury the memories of her deep in his soul, and never let them resurface again.

Making up his mind, Luke sat up and searched in his closet for Marelai's letters. After he found them he headed to the door, determined to not look back anymore. He had to go and find Callista.

Another destiny was waiting for him. Eyes red from too much crying, hands shaking with pain, Marelai's pity embraced him.

Luke spent the year of grieving on Coruscant, with Callista by his side. He took some time off from the Academy, leaving it in the hands of the other Jedi. Mara's death justified enough this prolonged vacation. On the rare occasions he came back to Yavin, he never stayed in his former apartment, preferring one of the students' room. He was living in a kind of somnolence, and if it wasn't Callista, he woudn't even leave home.

His engagement with Callista was not a secret from the beginning. But Luke's grieving was like a shadow on their new hapiness. She became his secretary and his liaison with the Academy and the rest of the galaxy.

They were not discussing about Mara, his former life or Marelai's letters. He tried to talk one day about the letters, calling her Marelai, but she rejected the subject instantly.

"Those letters were a mistake, Luke. I don't want to talk about them. And please, don't call me Marelai anymore."

"Are you saying that you lied in those letters, Callie?" he asked, a little surprised by her refusal. "Don't you really love me like you said there?"

"The only thing I can tell you is that every word of love in those letters was true, but I don't want to talk about that anymore. They belong to the past and they should stay there."

She cried a lot that night, her face in the pillow. From that moment, Luke did not mention the letters again.

Callista admired him without reservation. She never argued with him, graciously agreeing with everything he did or said. They did not talk about the past anymore, Mara's grave blocking all the ways back. He kept Marelai's letters, without reading them anymore. He lived in the present, day by day, night by night, trying to forget the past, and to see in the future only Callista's face. His new love was like the light of autumn's sun for an old man: he was asking for a last sunshine to warm up the cold and the darkness within him.

He was falling asleep every night with the woman who loved him in his arms, but he was sad and lonely, despite the fact that he wanted Callista in his bed, his want dominating the sadness, laughing him in the face. They did not talk in the daylight about their nights together, but the past was less confusing, as time passed.

They got married on Coruscant a year later, in a small ceremony, only his family being present. They returned to Yavin, in a brand new home, and Luke resumed his work at the Academy. He was working without mercy, and he was seeking for the company of his fellow Jedi, having long talks with his former or actual students.

He was feeling a little strange in his new home: large windows, white walls and brand new furniture everywhere. And no memories at all.

He soon became a new man: sociable, talkative, agreeable. Callista was responsible for that, she knew it and she was proud of that.

Was he happy? He did not ask himself this question.

Was he sad? He did not give himself this answer.

He was living with Callista. A sure fact.

The future? A continuation of the present day. He could not see anything more. He did not want to see something else. The uproar of the daily life exhausted him sometimes, but it saved him from solitude. He did not want to stop. He wanted to keep going with the others, among the others, with Callista by his side.

One day, after his morning run, he passed by his former home. He stopped to look at the closed windows, forgetting to drive away his old soul, which sneaked around him like a dog with no owner. He did not feel it, did not hear it as it escorted him on the road of Mara's footsteps. He suddenly felt his soul, deserted as their home was.

"Mara…"

He called her, silently, with his mind's voice, and leaning against a tree, he cried.

A young student passed by.

"Sir, are you feeling all right?", he asked.

"I'm fine, thank you. I wasn't feeling well for a moment."

He returned home, hoping to see Callista, to talk to her, but she was at the Academy. He was lost, he did not know what to do. Suddenly, he felt the urge to read her letters. Bu he couldn't open them, not there. They didn't belong to that place. Making up his mind, he picked up the letters and returned to his and Mara's home, for the first time after her death. He was suddenly feeling much better. Sitting at Mara's desk, he began to read the letters.

"_Did you ever hear the rain? Did you see how it kisses the ground, and the ground responds by sipping it's tiny drops? Did you ever want to cry, but scared, you retreat your tears inside you?_

_I send you my tears because my soul it's drowning in them. I send you my soul to live through you. Be my ground and let me be your rain._

_Think of me like you are thinking of a star fallen from you and taken into the darkness far, far away…"_

Marelai… Callista… His wife.

"_Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear."_

"_A good-bye is painful only if you know you'll never say hello again. _

_Maybe this is not our time, maybe we'll meet in another life, another love."_

Where did this sad words taking him?

Why did they take him towards Mara's grave, and not towards Callista's life?

Much later, he returned home, knowing that Callista was waiting for him?

She embraced him tightly.

"Hello, my love. Where have you been?"

"I took a walk. Sorry I'm late."

He did not say "I was reading your letters" because he was having a strange feeling that it was a lie.

He suddenly looked at her, desire in his eyes.

"Callie, I want you…"

She smiled and took his hand.

TBC  



	4. Chapter 4

**Destynii Skywalker: **_Thank you so much for your review. I'm glad you think my story is well-written, because English is my second language and I really had a hard time writing it. I know it's a sad story, and it will be worse I'm afraid._

_I don't know why I don't have more reviews, maybe it's because I'm new here. But as long as I have readers who enjoy my fic,I'll continue._

_There is only one more chapter except this one, so enjoy. Thanks again._

Chapter 4

Sleep claimed him late that night. For the first time, Mara appeared alive in his dream and in his soul. She was sitting in their living room, dressed in a white gown. Soft music was everywhere. From time to time men dressed in ceremony clothes stopped near her, asking her to dance. She was thanking them with a smile and refused every one of them. They were leaving, but others were coming. Nobody saw that she was holding a small child in her arms, a child who looked like her and like him. The boy had her red gold hair and his blue pale eyes. But the baby's eyes seemed old and tired. Mara was wiping his little face constantly. Another man stopped in front of her, asking her to dance. Mara put the baby on the floor carefully, closed his eyes with her hand and departed dancing with the man, disappearing in a silvery fog.

He woke up crying, horrified.

"Mara", he spoke her name softly, his voice sounding strange in the silence of the room, interrupted only by Callista's soft breathing.

He rose from the bed, dressing himself in the dark, opened the door without making any sound and hurried toward his old home. Rain was pouring from the sky, and he lingered outside, feeling his mind and his soul cleaning up.

He spent most of the night thinking about Mara. He saw her watching lovingly over their child. He was smiling softly. Smiling to his child he never had the chance to know.

His thoughts wandered toward Callista. He knew he was not fair to her, she really loved him and he knew he didn't deserve her. He tried hard the year that passed to offer the same love in return, and sometimes he even thought he managed that. He smiled, sadness enveloping him. He should not try anymore, he will have to do it, and do it right, without any reservation. She deserved to be happy, and after all, he deserved it, too.

Callista woke up in the middle of the night, alone. She waited for him a long time, knowing very well he might not come back. She knew she could not hold him for long anymore, despite her true love for him. But that was not enough. Not anymore. She cursed the day she decided, years ago, to leave him for her unfruitful quest of finding her Force powers again.

She was a bright and good looking woman and she could have the love of any man she wanted. After his marriage to Mara, her sentimental successes were only a way of killing time and memories of the days he loved her for real. She walked away a long time ago but she never found another man who could replace him in her heart. When she came back into their life, she told them she was not in love with him anymore and she tried to believe that too, but deep in her heart she knew she was fooling herself. Against her will, she still loved him.

And now she was finally his wife. Maybe the letters were the reason, and Callista felt a pang of guilt thinking about that. She tried to convince herself that those letters belonged to the past. She was the only one who knew Marelai's secret, and that's how things should stay forever. Marelai's love was hers now. Only the future counts and she knew everything will be all right.

"I am alive, I am his wife. And will make him happy, I swear", she promised herself.

Luke was sitting at Mara's desk, reading the letters again. He lost counting of how many times he red them. They made him feel being loved and in love. Strangely, Callista's closeness, being the woman who wrote the letters, did not give him that feeling. So the letters became his refugee, his hunger for love and happiness being satisfied in that strange way.

Last time he was here, he left the letters on the desk, but now he wanted to find a proper place to keep them. He began to open the drawers of the desk, until he found a locked one. That surprised him. Mara never kept any secrets from him, and he never bothered to check her private belongings before. He forced the drawer to open, feeling a little guilty doing that, but his curiosity was too great.

The drawer was filled with old letters, pictures of both of them, a few jewelry he remember Mara wore sometimes, but under all that stuff, he discovered an old writing book. Curious, he pulled it out and opened it. It seemed to be some sort of diary, and he was surprised to discover that. He never knew that Mara kept a diary.

" I don't know if I should read it", he whispered. Obviously, Mara kept that a secret, and he felt like invading her privacy. But she was dead, so it did not matter anymore, he tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing.

And he began to read… Short, wild sentences, like Mara herself, scattered across the pages…

"_They say when a woman is hopelessly in love, she should keep a diary, and the pain will become less intense. I will do that. But I know the pain will be there forever."_

"_I certainly don't need a man in my life, but I can't help falling in love."_

"_I hate you… I hate you… I hate you for loving you so much…"_

"_Maybe if I ignore my feelings long enough I will forget that I love him"_

"_Why do I remember every word he said, every gesture he ever made?"_

"_I'm dying slowly, but I let my soul live by loving him"_

"_Every bloody day begins end ends with the knowledge that he exists. When will this stop? Will this EVER stop?"_

"_What really hurts is that he does not know about the love I long to give him."_

"_I decided to never frown again in front of him. Who knows, maybe one day he will fall in love with my smile."_

"_I already spent so many nights thinking of him. Would he ever hold me in his arms, was it worth it? Today I know the answer is no, because he is in love with another woman. Did I wait for too long? Why did I not tell him anything? It's too late now. I will forget you, I promise you that. I'll have to shut down my emotions and regress into a shell, but I will do it. It's not that hard to deny I have feelings, after all I've done that all my life until I met you."_

"_She left him and that could be my chance. Maybe I should go to him and pick up the broken pieces of his heart. But I know I'll never do that. No leftovers for me, thank you!"_

"_So many years passed and I still love him! Why is this happening to me? Why?"_

"_I chased after his love for what seems to me forever. And now, when I stopped to take a rest for a while, it finally found me."_

"_I know he will be forever in my heart, in my arms. I know that now. Every beat of my heart fills more and more with his love"_

"_The beauty inside him is miraculous. Today is our first anniversary. But we both know we don't need that to celebrate. Every day with each other is a celebration."_

"_My soul wants to dance with him forever. Let the angels sing!"_

"_He keeps annoying me whining that I never express properly my love for him. What does he expect? Write him love letters? I won't do that, not in a million years. Maybe 50_ _years from now I'll show him this diary, and he will know then how much I love him and for how long. I never admitted to him that I was the first to fall in love. It's kinda humiliating."_

"_I know now what I'll do. He keeps asking for proves of my love. But does HE love me enough? We'll see that very soon…"_

Luke stopped reading. His eyes were in tears, and he could not distinguish the words anymore. But before he got to the last page of the diary, he already knew the truth.

TBC  



	5. Chapter 5

Luke stood up, not wanting to read the final notes in the diary. He knew what he would find there. And the truth tore him apart.

But eventually he resumed his reading.

"_She refused me when I asked her the first time. But I insisted over and over again, until she finally agreed to help. Still, she did not understand my reasons to do this crazy little thing. I explained that I want to test Luke's love for me and that she was the best choice, as his former lover. She said it was too dangerous. What if Luke discovers that she wrote the letters? How would she explain to him? _

_I think maybe this would be the best thing to happen. And then he will have to choose. If he really loves me like he says, I know he will choose me. _

_So we made up this little plan. The words and the love were mine, I put my soul in those letters, everything I wanted to tell him so many times, all these years, but not daring to do so .The handwriting was hers. And when he'll be away from home, I'll plant the letters so he could easy find them when he returns. I wonder if he will recognize her handwriting. After all, he loved her once. And if he doesn't, we'll make him find out somehow."_

"_Sometimes I wonder what I will do if he will chose her, and not me. If he would leave me I think I'll never make it without him. I think he has no idea how important he is for me. But that's a risk I have to take. I know Callista would never accept him, take him away from me, after all, she doesn't love him anymore, but the letters could change HIS feelings. But I know I have to set him free. If he chose me, I know he'll be mine forever, if he doesn't, then I'll know he never was…Just because I love him, that doesn't mean he feels the same. Maybe he is not the one for me. Or I am not the one for him. "_

"_He is not the same anymore after he red the letters. I can feel that inside me. He told me about the first letters, but then he stopped. He is hiding the letters, and he is hiding his feelings. It's the first time he lies to me. I know exactly how many letters there are, and I sense him when he wakes up in the middle of the night to read them again and again. Did I make a mistake? What he offered me wasn't enough? Why do I need to have more? Maybe I'm too pessimistic, but I'm not feeling very well these days. I love him so much it hurts. Why doesn't he know that? I want to cry, but the tears would not come. I cried so many years waiting for him and I can't do it anymore. "_

Luke put the diary away, pain rolling out of him in waves.

What did he do? Why did he do it? The fact that Mara wasn't sincere with him did not matter at all. He did hurt her in return a thousand times worst and it was all his fault.

She loved him for years, and he didn't know that until now. He was so ashamed of himself. Looking back in time, he knew he should have realized it, from the look in her eyes, especially when he got together with Callista for the first time. She pretended to be happy for him, but now he knew she was so sad, desperate and angry with herself. That's why they saw each other so little all these years. She avoided him, not to hurt herself anymore. Why did he not know that her feelings were a lot deeper than friendship? Maybe their life would be different if he knew.

He suddenly stood up again, determination in his eyes. He knew now what he had to do. He was sorry only that it took so long to realize it.

He left the apartment, holding the diary and the letters in his arms. They were the most precious things that were left for him now. He passed along the buildings, heading towards the jungle, not caring about the rain, which rapidly became a thunderstorm. He went on an on, not caring about the predators wandering freely across the wild jungle at this hour at night. The storm became stronger, with the lightning's glare casting a surreal, ghostly glow on the whole area through many distant bursts. Combined with the orange glow from the gas giant Yavin, it was rather eerie.

Marelai's words were dancing in his ears. That's all what was left from Mara now: Marelai.

"_I'm not afraid of your smile. That means I'm not afraid of anything. And that's why I'm writing you this letter…"_

"_I love you more now than when you began to read this letter."_

'_Mara, it's you!" _

"_Yes, it's me."_

"_You!"_

And the disappointment in her eyes…

"_Maybe this is not our time, maybe we'll meet in another life, another love."_

"Yes, my love, you were right. We will meet again, I'm sorry only that you waited so long for me. I was a fool… Will you be able to forgive me? Are you still waiting for me? Please, Mara, I hope you are still waiting for me…"

The rain was so dense now, he could not see anything in front of him. And he was so tired he could not take any step forward. So he stopped. He heard a noise at his left. Then behind him. The predators were gathering, sensing their prey. He searched for the lightsaber at his belt, but it wasn't there. He left it behind at home, when he departed in a hurry. He tensed for a moment, but he relaxed almost immediately. He did not need the weapon. He smiled and closed his eyes.

"I'm coming right now, my love. You waited for me over a year, what's a few moments more? I just have to be patient and wait a little more…"

Holding the precious letters tightly against his chest, protecting them from the rain with his cloak, he fell on his knees on the ground and closed his eyes again.

And then he waited.

THE END


End file.
